Puns for Educated Minds
Every now and then you need to take a break from serious matters and smile.
Here's another attempt at humor:
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an island off the coast of Alaska , but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies in public, and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
9. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, ‘Keep off the Grass.’
10. There was a person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them all laugh. No pun in ten did.
11. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here. I'll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. There was a little person who was a fortune-teller and escaped from prison, becoming a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. The cannibals who ate a missionary, got a taste of religion.
20. If an oven explodes in the kitchen of an apartment in France , it could result in Linoleum Blownapart.
21. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
22. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
23. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
24. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank. Thus proving once again, you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
25. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?’ The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.’
26. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal - transcend dental medication.
COMMENT: This was another chain email message that hit the inbox, but one of the few that are worth posting.
Here's another attempt at humor:
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an island off the coast of Alaska , but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies in public, and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
9. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, ‘Keep off the Grass.’
10. There was a person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them all laugh. No pun in ten did.
11. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here. I'll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. There was a little person who was a fortune-teller and escaped from prison, becoming a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. The cannibals who ate a missionary, got a taste of religion.
20. If an oven explodes in the kitchen of an apartment in France , it could result in Linoleum Blownapart.
21. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
22. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
23. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
24. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank. Thus proving once again, you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
25. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?’ The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.’
26. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal - transcend dental medication.
COMMENT: This was another chain email message that hit the inbox, but one of the few that are worth posting.
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